Today

Im going to put my attention on the moment. Everytime my mind wanders and I become aware of it, I’m pulling it back to the moment. I will take a few deep threats and carry on.

I dont know about you, but my mind wanders alot. I have whole conversations with people who are not there. I even repeat the conversations more than once. Its crazy. From what I have been learning its the nero pathways. My unconscious mind follows. So focusing on the moment, being conscious will create new nero pathways. I read the “power of now” by eckhart tolle years ago. I remember reading how we have the same thought over and over. And here I am today…lol. I’m ready for this change. I was to attached to illusions then.

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Breathing

I came across Pam Grouts book ” Jump start your metabolism. ” I love Pam Grouts message. The book is not about dieting, its about breathing. And while I can stand to lose a couple pounds, I really need to learn to breathe. The lack of energy and needing to take a nap, I have experienced all of my life may have to do with lack of oxygen!!! In the past I have seen many Doctors, Naturopaths, Therapists, ect., all to help me feel better and have energy. I have gone yeast free, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free and grain free. I have exercised and avoided exercising ( while

beating myself up in my head) Energy work was the one thing that helped. Breathing. I even knew I wasnt completely breathing, Yet felt it was “too much effort.” Im not gonna rehash my past. But I can see that since I was alittle girl I used breathing to shut down my bodys sensations and feeling.

Now I want to learn and teach others how to breathe. I have been coming across alot of teens with anxiety, my own kids included. I wonder if breath work will help.

Not motivated

I had a bunch of ideas to write about while I was meditating. Now my mind is blank. I seem to think I need a new notebook to write in. I have alot of have used notebooks. All are perfectly fine to put pen to paper. I realize i just need to do it. Take the jump. Like these, I haven’t published any. Its a great starting point to put my thoughts down. I am going to publish some, once I reread them and clean them up. This whole idea that it has to be perfect, I have to be perfect drives me crazy. I have let of the need to be perfect in alot of areas..clean house, perfect parenting skills, perfect christmas tree, are a couple. Its my creativity that im blocking by laying these crazy demands on myself.

Practice what you preach

I can read about being present. Listen to you tube videos about changing your life as much as I want. Until I actually practice it daily, incorporate it into my life, Nothing will change.

I have been actively breathing, bringing myself into the moment. I have been listening to. My thoughts, my speech and correcting the negative talk. This takes extrem focus. The old patterns run with out any though or effort on my part.

Today July 26th, 2018

I feel like I’m teetering between old behaviors/thoughts and new ones. I catch myself thinking things like, I’m going to be tired tomorrow, what if I cant do it.

Guess what???

What if I can do anything. I can focus on possibilities and the now. That right there…these thoughts give me a jolt of energy.

Seven days

I am committed to blogging for the next seven days. Letting go of the need to write perfectly. You know ..perfect sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar.

I keep looking for a book to read, but nothing is capturing me. I want something happy and positive. Something that reminds me that anything is possible. The power of positive thoughts. I have found a few books. “Legends of Muriwood ” is one. The theme ( at least what stood out for me) is to let go of fear, fear brings problems. Yes, there are catholic over tones that I could read into. I chose to focus on letting go of fear. To trust the universe. To feel love, be love.

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