Im going to put my attention on the moment. Everytime my mind wanders and I become aware of it, I’m pulling it back to the moment. I will take a few deep threats and carry on.
I dont know about you, but my mind wanders alot. I have whole conversations with people who are not there. I even repeat the conversations more than once. Its crazy. From what I have been learning its the nero pathways. My unconscious mind follows. So focusing on the moment, being conscious will create new nero pathways. I read the “power of now” by eckhart tolle years ago. I remember reading how we have the same thought over and over. And here I am today…lol. I’m ready for this change. I was to attached to illusions then.
I had a bunch of ideas to write about while I was meditating. Now my mind is blank. I seem to think I need a new notebook to write in. I have alot of have used notebooks. All are perfectly fine to put pen to paper. I realize i just need to do it. Take the jump. Like these, I haven’t published any. Its a great starting point to put my thoughts down. I am going to publish some, once I reread them and clean them up. This whole idea that it has to be perfect, I have to be perfect drives me crazy. I have let of the need to be perfect in alot of areas..clean house, perfect parenting skills, perfect christmas tree, are a couple. Its my creativity that im blocking by laying these crazy demands on myself.
I can read about being present. Listen to you tube videos about changing your life as much as I want. Until I actually practice it daily, incorporate it into my life, Nothing will change.
I have been actively breathing, bringing myself into the moment. I have been listening to. My thoughts, my speech and correcting the negative talk. This takes extrem focus. The old patterns run with out any though or effort on my part.
I just dropped my daughter off in New York for a ballet intensive. She is staying with her best friend and her mom, who also happens to be her ballet teacher.
I feel like I’m teetering between old behaviors/thoughts and new ones. I catch myself thinking things like, I’m going to be tired tomorrow, what if I cant do it.
What if I can do anything. I can focus on possibilities and the now. That right there…these thoughts give me a jolt of energy.
I am committed to blogging for the next seven days. Letting go of the need to write perfectly. You know ..perfect sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar.
I keep looking for a book to read, but nothing is capturing me. I want something happy and positive. Something that reminds me that anything is possible. The power of positive thoughts. I have found a few books. “Legends of Muriwood ” is one. The theme ( at least what stood out for me) is to let go of fear, fear brings problems. Yes, there are catholic over tones that I could read into. I chose to focus on letting go of fear. To trust the universe. To feel love, be love.